one goal, one love, one life to live, i know what i'm doing with it.
people forget, they forget what life's really about. theres struggles, and hardships; it's not all fun and games. it's easy to fall, fall fast, and fall hard, give up, and not know what the rest has in store. give up now and later in life you could be a great success. people don't always know what the future might hold. it's possible that the beginning was hard and the end was prodigious. it could be reversed, your beginning is great and your end is full of hardships. won't know till the day you depart from us, won't know till your life comes to an end. was it worth it or was it not? was it worth it to give up something that people admire so immensely? you're gone forever, not coming back, no heaven, no hell. nothing but science, dead, ashes, in a casket full of lies and hope. you're sitting with the bugs now, how does it feel? you gave up, you could have been something. the only thing you are now are memories, dreams. wakeup and the thought of you being there was a lie. it was nothing but fear of waking up and being able to see you again. tear out the heart’s of many. you played hangman, you lost, you've been hung.
gone without you, gone before your eyes. let gravity slip, rocks fall, clouds fall, the ceiling hit's the ground. it's a shift of reality, a grasp of pain. they said it all before, they said it like it mattered. i said, don't stress about the people that aren't in your life, realize why they didn't make it to your future.
hope's all i wish for, dreams are all i see. i have no truth, i have no reality. it's nothing but wizard of oz and dorothy wishing she was home. it's nothing but dreams of torture, dreams of heart broken, dreams of everything i wish i'd be. everything i wish i could be and everyone broken from before and beyond. love to feel free and feel like i could run away. sit on a bench in italy and forget about the past and make the present. cut connections and make true possibilities and happiness happen. everyone has dreams and everyone has reality. people get hit harder with reality then others and people get shot with arrows of devastation more then anyone else. true happiness doesn't happen, you have to make it happen.
i'm gone because you can't stand being beside me, believing in me. being there for me, you're a failure, a disgrace to the human race. you sat there as if it'd all get better. as if everything could fix its self by its self, i know you can't stand that i'm not sorry. i'm tired of waiting, waiting here to declare a meaning. meaning of you and me and what we'll never be. far from the meaning of what you're supposed to be and how you're supposed to be. sorry it's the way you made it be.
coincided our pain with a remedy of hate. we shared everything, we changed everything. you made it different; you made it twice of a hell. promised you wouldn't leave, promised you'd stay by my side. your promises were lies, lies of running away to a place of empty misfortune. promises of black and white. you needed help, i tried to help. you left, i tried to follow, i walked until the pavement started to fade into the distance; i walked until i couldn't walk anymore. i couldn't find you, you were hiding from me. like hiding everything you always do from me. run away and i won’t be able to help you. it's for you, it's not for me. it's where the rain meets the air and you fall, fall from the sky and hit the jist of reality.
empty. cold. worthless breathless, chills up and down the spine. zero degree temperature takes over. numb feelings, standing alive with motions incapable of being used. lets reverse the problem, serve a purpose. greed and hate it's there, jealousy it's a damn lie. you've been frozen in time. you said it's deep, how deep?
oblivious. nothing. empty. you're nothing, no one. stuck deep in dreams full of lies. you tell yourself your right, won't make you feel better. you struck, you hit, you abused. you're tough, nothing but insecure emotions. hope that completes you. flesh and blood, you have nothing left. it's unbelievable how far someone can go. gave enough respect but haven't received any back. hard to keep loving when you can't love back. it'll be to late soon, regret.
sometimes the only person you have is yourself. no one else to hold in and hold back. you go to sleep at night thinking, hoping, waiting. it doesn't happen, you fall, fall so deep. the wait is dreadful, it never happens. they let you down. never committing to what one says. it's unbelievable, it's sickening. don't say you will if you won't. don't say you'll be there if you won't. don't talk like you're trying to help. you talk once, that's it, you act like it's all been fixed. it's all the same, you didn't change one thing. you're the problem, it's going to end sooner or later. you can't change me, you've been the problem since day one. just remember you were the one who left.
bangs, slits, switchblades and promises. been told so many lies, told they'd never do it again. used excuses to get around it, never admitted to what one did. always pushed around it, always told another lie. doesn't get old, never will get old. you'd think people would forget it, you'd think people would get over it. not that easy and it'll never be that easy. you said goodbye, you didn't think it'd be the last time you said it, did you? remember you signed that paper, paper saying fuck you here's some "change", goodbye.
you took my life. you took my writings. you saw everything, you read everything. it's in the open air now. congratulations, violated. let's switch back and forth and see how it feels. read the lives of your peers. read the inner most deepest thoughts, the one's you'd never expect. the one's you'd never even think about. what happened that Saturday night? you weren't suppose to know, you weren't suppose to know about the pills, the love, the hate, the everything. read about the sleepless nights staring at the fan. saw every emotion capable. Congrats don’t you feel like the big bad wolf.
i tried, i left, i couldn't conquer it. left behind in the meaning of life. left behind in your eyes. you saw nothing, you treated as if nothing. treated as if i were a piece of shit walking the earth. a piece of nothing, empty, filled air. told everything, told yourself you wouldn't do it again. again as if it was a lie. as if it was nothing, as if i was no one. told myself i'd always carry you through everything. told myself i'd never leave you behind. told myself i'd never be anything like you. told myself i'd mold into something different. here i am today, i'm not you, i'm not anything like you. i put on a show for everyone. make everyone laugh, make everyone smile. deep down inside it's not anything like that. it's never going to be anything like that. it's just a smile so no one asks for an explanation of a breathless and mood less face. a face of empty lies.
i take away everything i’ve ever said. a disappointment is what you are. you were never there, never once. made is unbelievably hard to breathe. what do you think happened? it progressed. acted as if everything was ok, everything was fine. no problems at all. secrets and lies made everyone feel fine. it was all never but an act, all a joke, all nothing but misfortune. you came back, you made everything better. you left again; you kept stuff away, you made lies. you swore, you broke, and you left. feelings became unbearable. you treated everyone different, you expected to be different. you expect me to understand, understand what? understand that you’re the biggest failure of life. it’s not easy, it’s not real. not normal, and will never be normal. everything wasn’t fine. few years pass by and you found out. you think I’m some whack. what’d you do? nothing. did you care? do you even care? why do you think i kept secrets? everything finally got better, or so you thought. it lasted a few months, three at the most. found out you started back up again, you lied, you kept stuff away. look where we are now, back at stage one.
in the end, you're you and i'm me. you made it what it was, you created what it was. made everything complicated, made all these problems. could have worked around it but you decided you were too good for me. decided that i'm this problem and you have to fix it. ignore me, ashamed of me, and thought all these things of me. oh well, how long more are you going to live with yourself? how many times have you fucked up now? your insecurities got the best of you and now look what you've become. congratulations, i hope you can live with yourself.
you have no idea what my about me is even about, don't act like you can even come close or relate.
i'm single, i'm picky, and i don't trust easy. i don't want a girlfriend like the rest. i don't enjoy the drama of high school relationships. there's no point because they don't last forever. i'm not going to waste my time on some girl that i know won't last.
someone that's fun, funny, can hold a conversation, isn't self conscious, obviously good looking, and in shape. too bad that's impossible to find.
Dominic Riccitello <3
Anthony Elias Espinoza 2009
