Chapter One: The Beginning Of The End

I go by Fabien, but Anthony is my name. Neither of them determines who I am.

Who I choose to be, what I choose to be called, what I chose to do and the words I say, is my choice and mine only.

I don't live my life to impress anyone or get anyone to like or dislike me. It don't effect me that you like or dislike me, that you love or hate me, you envy or despise me or that you look up to me or down on me.

I live my life for myself and myself only. Not for my family, the people I know, the people I don't know, the president or some "Myspacer".

If you think that you're gonna bring me down or hurt my feelings, know that your work is useless because I don't care. What you have to say about me, whether you think it's a compliment, critique or hate, has no effect on me.

Call me a "bitch", an "asshole", "stupid", "selfish", tell me I'm "cool", "cute", "fake", "ugly", say "fuck you" or "you're a piece of shit"; the emphasis, meaning or definition you choose to put behind or into a word, phrase or sentence, is your prerogative.

I view them as words and words only.

Say what you want and do what you please. I don't waste my time trying to please you or make you happy, nor do I live life trying to hate you or make you unhappy.

I won't give you pleasure and satisfaction of feeling better about yourself by enduring what you have to say about me, in hopes that it makes me feel worthless or ten feet tall.

The only person that has control over me, is me. The only person that matters to me, is myself. It's the best bet.

I don't get mad or cry over the fact that you call me a whore or tell me I'm fake, I still wake up from my sleep. Telling me I'm "ugly" or "cool" is great for you. I don't care that you are mad at me or don't like something I say to you, I don't control your feelings, thoughts or your actions. I don't make you do anything and vice verse.

I trust no one, not even myself; for trust is nothing, but mere subjective.

The people I know and talk to are just that. I don't call the people I know "friends" and could care if I did or didn't have "friends". I don't care about your feelings or what you think about me nor do I think you should care about my feelings or thoughts.

The physical body I was placed in doesn't make me who I am in this world. It wasn't created by me nor do I know why. One day I'll die and my life nor yours will matter to me because I'll be nothing more than a dead body. It may be today, tomorrow or next week.

I don't have to live life the way you do, celebrities do or how my family wants me to. I don't think better nor less important than others. I don't live life according to standards or by definition. I don't use labels, stereotypes, generalizations nor am I biased.

One's past is not one's potential nor is it a determinate of their place on Earth. After all, who am I and who are you to say anything about anyone?

The way I live my life, my thoughts, the way I see something and my actions are controlled by my thoughts, which are created by me.

Everyday I expect the worst and hope for the best in all situations, subtle or not.

I have an old soul and don't think I am young; it is experience that is the determinant of how young and old one is, not age. I have been through a numerous amount of experiences, but they are still experiences no matter the level of intensity.

We all have our own lives, viewpoints, bodies, and have been through our own experiences in life, the quality and quantity change for each individual.

Intelligence isn't determined by high school diplomas and college degrees nor are individuals intelligent, if and only if, one obtains one. Intelligence comes in many forms and in many places.

Knowledge learned, is knowledge gained.

I may not be "hot" to your standards or "cool" enough for you, but i don't care about you. Hot and cool are words used to tell the temperature of something in my eyes.

I'm real with myself and know what I want. I love myself even if others don't! I am who I am, even if I don't dress a certain way and if I'm not attractive!

As long as I can make myself laugh, that's all I need. If you want to care about what I do, say, or act like after reading this than so be it.

You be you and I'll be me, as we can only be ourselves.

Fabien